How to Handle Difficult People

It is amazing how quickly a beautiful day can be over taken by a violent storm. 

In a former job, we invited all our prospects over for lunch. 

We set out a couple of 10 by 10 canopies to grille out. 

Everything was going well until my wife called from home to tell me that a violent storm was fast approaching. 

I ran out of my office to pull down the tents and park the prospect’s vehicles inside the warehouse. 

When I started doing this, it was still beautiful outside, but we barely got finished before the storm hit. 

 You've got to prepare for a storm before it happens, or it may be too late. 

 In the same way, you've got to prepare for difficult people before they arrive.

Difficult people are just like that spring storm. If you don't prepare beforehand, you might get hurt. 

 Everything seems fine, but before you know it. You've been sucked into conflict. 

A difficult person’s facial expression, demeanor, tone, and behavior pull you into their negative disposition. 

Before it's all over, you ask yourself. What just happened?

Let me give you an illustration about how conflict happens. 

 One of the hottest things a few years back on TV was American Idol. 

One reason for its popularity was the conflict between the judges. 

The tension stemmed from how each judge thought differently. 

For example, Simon normally said something negative to the contestant. 

Then, Paula attempted to soften her criticism with kindness. 

The judges got upset with each other based upon their different perspectives.

Conflict is going to happen because we all see things differently. 

There are negative and positive aspects about every situation and person. 

The conflict stems from how we all come from a different point of view. 

 If we don't intentionally take an unselfish viewpoint, we will drift into conflict. 

We're going to be drawing conflict into our lives like a magnet.

We must prepare ourselves for difficult people and notice them when they arrive. 

If we don't, things might get out of hand.

GET UP EARLY. Take the time to reflect, relax, and read before you start each day.

DO MENTAL CHECKUPS. Monitor your thoughts, mood, and conversations throughout the day.

SMILE. When you approach someone, smile. It's amazing how something as simple as a smile can open doors and reduce conflict. 

It's extremely hard for a difficult person to be rude to you while you are smiling at them. 

Smiling even works while you talk on the phone. It comes through in your voice.

BE EXTREMELY FRIENDLY with other people. When you are proactively being friendly, it makes people really uncomfortable being abrupt with you.

STAY CALM. When someone is angry and is raising their voice at you, you can feel your emotions matching theirs. 

By staying calm and quietly responding, the other person will eventually calm down to your emotional level.

LOOK AWAY. Normally, it’s better to look at the speaker; however, a lot of anger is shown by facial expressions. 

If someone is losing control, look away.

PARAPHRASE. Calmly, repeat back to the upset person what they are saying. 

Paraphrasing simply means that you understand them, and does not mean that you agree.

SYMPATHIZE with how they must be feeling.