This isn't a message about changing difficult people, but how God changes you to handle them in a Christ like way.
Ask God what are your trying to do in me through the difficult people that you've brought or allowed in my life?
We can't control or change anyone else. God wants to change you. To have God's peace, we must allow God's work within us.
Surrender to God in this area and all other areas is the pathway to peace. Nobody can blame their way to happiness.
If you believe other people are the key to your happiness, you are giving to them the key of your life.
(James 4:1-2) What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? (James blames you. Not them)
You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight.
You do not have, because you do not ask God.
Have you asked, "is this desire in keeping with your purpose, Lord?" If God's answer is no, then your problem is with Him and not with the other person. You have laid claim to a right that you haven't been given.
The person who lives a great life is the person who surrenders it. This message isn't about growing the church, but growing church people.
You haven't received because you haven't asked, "Lord, what do You want for me?" God is trying to give you something far more valuable than your desire, patience.
(Pray Lord, help me to go slower. When we hurry, we move closer to sin).
We keep trying to change others. God is trying to change us. Here are some keys to dealing with difficult people.
1. Overlook the offense from them.
In our culture, we not only disagree, but we want them to die. Lord, give me patience. Forgive my anger and intolerance.
(Proverbs 10:12 CEV) Love overlooks the wrongs that others do.
(Proverbs 12:16 TEV) When a fool is annoyed, he quickly lets it be known. Wise people will ignore an insult.
(Proverbs 19:11) A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.
Love looks past their behavior, and into their pain. Looking into their pain gives us compassion.
2. Pray for them.
We pray for them because it changes us. Your heart softens when you pray for others.
(Matthew 5:43-44) “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
3. Forgive them.
Forgiveness is a one player game. You can do it with or without their help.
I'm not going to hold the bill for their offense. It doesn't change the past, but it does change your future.
Reconciliation on the other hand requires two people, and you can't control how they will respond to your forgiveness.
They may even misinterpret your attempt to forgive them as an attack.
If they won't reconcile, have an imaginary conversation with them telling them how their offense effected you, and end by giving them your total forgiveness.
(Luke 23:34) Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
(Colossians 3:13 NLT) You must make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive the person who offends you.
Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
4. Bless them.
To bless means to speak well of or good to. It is the opposite of a curse. This is how to get the war within you quieted.
Don't focus on who they are, but what God says they are if they yield to Christ.
God created His world through His words by speaking what He wanted it to become.
You can bless the people within your world by speaking who they are if they yield to Christ.
Pray Lord, you don't see me for who I am, but who I am when I surrender to Christ. Lord, do a work within me. Change me.
(Luke 6:27-28) But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
(1 Peter 3:9 NCV) Do not do wrong to repay a wrong, and do not insult to repay an insult. But repay with a blessing, because you yourselves were called to do this so that you might receive a blessing.
5. Do good to them.
You have the capacity to do good to your enemies, but you must move first.
(Romans 12:17-21) Do not repay anyone evil for evil.
Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
(Matthew 10:8) …Freely you have received, freely give.
The forgiven forgive.
(Ephesians 4:31-32) Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
If you are far from God, you're just a heart felt prayer away. Pray God, I am sorry for my past. Lord Jesus, be my Lord and Savior. I put my faith in you.
Notes taken from Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands
Purple: M. H. Dennis
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/dealing-with-difficult-people1
