A healthy you

If you try to build intimacy with another person before you have gotten whole on your own, all your relationships become an attempt to complete yourself. 

You are setting yourself up for heartache.  Get yourself healthy before you get yourself married.

If you want a better relationship, it begins with you. Your relationships can only be as healthy as you are.

We must realize...

1. God loved us first. 

John 3:16  For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life.   

Ephesians 3:14-19  (MSG)

My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. 

I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in.

And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. 

Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.

2. Learn to be authentic with God and yourself. 

Your most important conversation is the conversation that you have with you. 

Resist the need to please others instead of God to get their acceptance.  

3. Sacrificial love for others. 

This is the love that you offer to others.  Walk the extra mile  (Matthew 5:38). Go beyond what is required of you. 

Ephesians 4:1-3 (MSG)

4 1-3 In light of all this, here’s what I want you to do. While I’m locked up here, a prisoner for the Master, I want you to get out there and walk—better yet, run!—on the road God called you to travel.

I don’t want any of you sitting around on your hands. I don’t want anyone strolling off, down some path that goes nowhere. 

And mark that you do this with humility and discipline—not in fits and starts, but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences. 

Les Parrott 

Video
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/how-to-get-healthy

Covenant Marriage

 Contract: We protect our rights and limit our responsibilities. 


 Covenant: We give up our rights and pick up our responsibilities. 



RIGHTS WE GIVE UP 


(Genesis 2:21-25) So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh.


Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 


The man said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called 'woman,' for she was taken out of man." 



For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame. 


1. Priority. 


(Matthew 6:33) But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 


2. Ownership. 



(1 Corinthians 7:4) The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 



3. Privacy. 


(John 15:15) I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 



RESPONSIBILITIES WE PICK UP


(Ephesians 5:22-33) Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 


Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 


Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 


In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 


After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of his body. 


"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church.



 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 



1. Love unconditionally. 


(Romans 5:8) But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 


2. Honor respectfully. 



(1 Peter 3:5-6) For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. 


(1 Peter 3:7) Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.



 3. Submit mutually. 


(Ephesians 5:21) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.


Video
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/covenant-marriage

Discussion Guide
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/files/groups/guides/10-23-11.pdf


Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

Promise Making

I PROMISE 

(Song of Solomon 8:6-7) Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal (purchasing power) on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters (problems) cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned." 


Promise: from the Latin promittere 

Pro: Forward Mittere: Send 

Promise: A declaration I make now that will be needed for the future.


Things that destroy many marriages aren't bad things, but good things not prioritized correctly.  We make a promise for when our feelings change.    


Divorcing your spouse because love is gone is like getting rid of your car because the gas is gone.   


(Luke 22:20) In the same way, after the supper he took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you.”


A promise is speaking of future events as if it's already happened (M. H. Dennis). 


Promise Making 


(Genesis 2:24-25 NKJV) Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. 


1. The promise of priority. 


(Matthew 6:33) But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 


(Ephesians 5:25) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.


For a relationship to work, you've got to put it first.  I promise God will be my first priority, and my spouse will be my second. 


God wants us to be strengthened by our differences.  


2. The promise of pursuit. 


(Proverbs 14:23) All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. 

(Revelation 2:5) Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first.  

I promise that I will continue to pursue you even after I have you.  

Pursue her with affection.  Pursue him with affirmation.


3. The promise of partnership. 

(Matthew 19:5-6) “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. 


(Ephesians 5:21) Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

I promise to make our relationship about we not me. I send a promise into our future to protect it. 


 4. The promise of purity. 


(Ephesians 5:8-11) For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light… Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 


(Proverbs 28:13) Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. 

I promise to confide in you not hide from you.  Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy. 



In order for relationships to work, let the One who designed them define them.

Video
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/promise-making

Discussion Guide
https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/files/groups/guides/02-10-2019.pdf

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

A Marriage that Lasts

1. Invite Jesus into all of your marriage.  God will come into any and all decisions when invited. 

2. Work on your marriage

Be attentive.

Be aware.

Be affectionate.

Be appreciative.

Be intentional.  

Fight for your marriage.

3.  Get right with your maker, and you will draw close to Him and your mate at the same time.

Dino Rizzo, Church of the Highlands 

4 Pillars of Marriage

1. You can't truly love until you have received the love of God.

2. You can't truly live until you have allowed Jesus to live through you.

3.  You can't truly forgive until you have allowed Jesus to live through you.

4.  You can't truly lead a family if you're not planted in the family of God. 

In order for a relationship to work, let the One who designed them to define them.  

Dino Rizzo, Church of the Highlands 

Cultivating a Healthy Marriage

Romans 12:2 NLT) Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

The World’s Way

1. Find the right person.  Dating is like practicing for a divorce.

2. Falling in  love.

3. Fixing all your hopes and dreams

 on your spouse.

4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, and 3.

God’s Way

1. Become the right person.

2. Walking in love.  Love is a choice.  Chose to love and the emotions of love will eventually follow.

3. Fixing all your hopes and dreams

 on God.

4. If failure occurs, repeat steps 1, 2, and 3.

Most marriages fail because of lack of commitment. 

Chris Hodges, Church of the Highlands

https://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/uncommon-commitment

All scripture is from the New International Version unless otherwise noted.

How to not have an affair

Culture baits us to the edge, and then mocks us when we go over it.

1. If married, don't chat on line with members of the opposite sex.

2. Don't have lunch or dinner with members of the opposite sex.

3. Don't drive in the car alone with a member of the opposite sex.

4. Men allow your wives to screen your assistant.

5. If you are uncomfortable with someone in the office, tell your spouse who they are and their name.

6. Don't confide in a member of the opposite sex about personal problems. 

(Andy Stanley)

The Perfect Marriage

Why does Satan hate marriage so much?  

These words are God's answer to marriage and divorce. 

These words are not meant to discourage but to encourage.  God is wanting to work in our lives.   

Matthew 19:3-8 NKJV

3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” 

(Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?)

4 And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read (the Bible) that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ 

5 and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined (yoked together like two oxen working together) to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 

(Do you think that Jesus exaggerates about them being one flesh?)  No!  

6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” 

(Jesus's answer to their question was no.) 

   

John 1:17 NKJV

17 For the law was given through Moses, but grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

In the Bible, Moses represents the law, but Jesus represents grace.  We would think that the law says that you can't do that, and grace would say that it's okay, but it's just the opposite.  Grace says no.  You're in a covenant with God and your spouse in your marriage. You must work it out.   

1. Marriage represents God.

This was their second question...

7 They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?”

This was Jesus's answer to their second question.  

 8 He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

In every divorce there is at least one person with a hard heart. In Moses day, men were marrying second and third wives, but not divorcing their previous wives and not caring for them.  

Their previous wives weren't able to take care of their own needs in their primitive society; therefore, Moses was saying to give them a document of divorce for them to remarry for their own survival. 

Genesis 1:26 New King James Version (NKJV)

26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 

27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.

Here is God's Trinity represented by using the word "us".  Both male and female together is the image of God because it reflects God's Trinity. It is not any man and any woman, but it reflects a marriage of a man and a woman. Marriage is the image of God on the earth.  

Satan hates marriage because it is the image of God on the earth.  Satan did not attack Adam.  He attacked marriage because it is a reflection of God's image upon the earth.  

If the Trinity is 3 persons in 1 and marriage is 2 persons in 1. How can marriage reflect God's image?  The three persons in marriage is the husband, wife, and God Himself.  These 3 persons in 1 is marriage. That's the only way that marriage works. 

The husband and wife are individuals in unity.  In the Trinity, there are three individuals in perfect unity. 

2. Marriage represents Christ and the Church.

Ephesians 5:31-33 NKJV

31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 

33 Nevertheless let each one of you (a picture of Christ) in particular so love his own wife as himself , and let the wife (a picture of the Church) see that she respects her husband. 

Suppose your trying to lead someone to Christ and they ask how will God treat me?  Say God is going to treat you in the same way that I treat my spouse.  Our marriage is an earthly representation of Christ to His Church. 

Jesus got upset about divorce. Would it be okay for the Trinity to get divorced? There is no male or female in Christ (Galatians 3:28). God plays no favorites.

3. Marriage represents covenant.

Malachi 2:14 NKJV

14 Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously;Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant.

In a contract, you are trying to protect your rights and limit your responsibilities. In covenant, we give up our rights, and we pick up our responsibilities. 

If a lost people asks, how can I know how God will take care of me?  Tell them that they are making a covenant with God.  You can say look how I and my wife take care of each other because we are in a covenant too.  

Marriage is an example of the new covenant not the old.  In the old testament, God's part was to protect, provide, and bless.  Your part is to be perfect. 

God was giving us the standard of perfection to get us frustrated enough to come to Christ. God never wanted a legalistic relationship but a loving one. 

In the new testament or the new covenant, God's part was to protect, provide, and  bless. Your part is to trust Christ to live for you the life that you could never live, and to die for you the death that you should have died.  That's how we come into the new covenant with God. 

That's how covenant works with our spouse.  We keep our part whether they do or not.  Say Holy Spirit what are you saying to me in these words?  

It's okay for us to struggle.  We live in a fallen world and Satan is attacking us.  Say Lord, we give to you our lives and our marriage as Lord and Savior.  Only you can save us. You are the only one who can.  

Notes taken from Robert Morris, Gateway Church, The Blessed Marriage.

http://gatewaypeople.com/ministries/life/events/blessed-families-a-gateway-series/session/2018/10/20/the-blessed-marriage