De-escalate Conflict

1.  Lower your voice.

“A gentle response will calm a person's anger, but harsh words stir up intense fury.” Proverbs 15:1

o The more that I raise my voice, the more the other person raises their voice. 

  

( The more I raise my voice the more I lower my intellect.)

o Mirror Brain Neurons:

  

We have ability to feel what we see.    In an argument, the way that I act the other person will reflect me.  

“The quiet words of a wise person are more effective than the shouting of a leader of fools.” Ecclesiastes 9:17 (NIV) 

2. Breathe and slow down the pace of your speaking.  

“A fool gives full vent to his anger, but by biding his time, the wise man calms it down.” Proverbs 29:11 (NAB) 

“People with hot tempers start fights and cause trouble, but a calm, cool spirit keeps the peace.” Proverbs 15:18 (Mes/NCV) 

“If a ruler (or anyone else) loses his temper against you, don't panic! A calm disposition quiets intemperate rage.” Ecclesiastes 10:4 (Mes) 

3.  Listen more than you talk.   

(Pride is the source of all conflict.  Why is so hard to listen to the people we love the most?)

“Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James 1:19 (NLT)  

“Arrogant know-it-alls stir up discord, but wise men and women listen to each other's counsel.” Proverbs 13:10 (Mes)

4.  Listen for the hurt behind their words.  

(Don't argue over words.  Ask yourself what is my mood and theirs?)

  

“Each heart knows its own bitterness . . .” Proverbs 14:10 (NIV) 

5.  Pray while you're listening.   Pray God.  Calm me down.

  

“Gideon built an altar for worshiping the Lord and he called it ‘The Lord Calms Our Fears.’” Judges 6:24 (CEV) 

“God stills the raging oceans, quiets the noise of roaring waves, and calms the uproar of the peoples.” Psalm 65:7 

6.  Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.

   

“A person who answers without listening is foolish and disgraceful.” Proverbs 18:13 (ICB) 

7.  Try to see from their point of view.

  

“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus.”Philemon 2:4-5 (NIV) 

8.  Ask God. Give me a clear picture of myself. 

“Search me, O God and examine my heart; test me and know my nervous thoughts. Point out anything in ME that is wrong. Then lead me on the path that is always right.”Psalm 139:23-24 

9.  Admit any part of the conflict that you caused.   

(We can only change our own behavior.)

Jesus: “Why do you notice the little piece of dust in your friend's eye, but you don't notice the big piece of wood in your own eye? First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your friend's eye.”Matthew 7:3, 5 (NCV)

10.  Choose your words carefully.

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) 

“Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed.” Ephesians 4:29 (TEV)

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God!” Matthew 5:9 (NIV)